Musings from my Window

Meta communication--the idea that we are communicating volumes through our facial expressions and body language, and voice tone. It is thought by some psychologists that this form of communication is acatually louder and more persuasive taht actual words. The other day, I sat down to watch TV--a rare occurance. I sat and watched a drama. I could watch for very long because the acting was absolutely HORRIBLE! The actors were saying all the right words and trying their best to convey the seriousness and gravity of the situation, thought  their character would respond, but there was a lag and delay in how their body reacted. I could tell that they were not feeling  the depth of the situation, but were merely moving to their next line. The distortion was very subtle, and if you were caught up in the show, you would probably not notice it, because you would be filling in the emotional gaps that the actors had left.  It was maddening to me. I could not stand it and had to t...

Well, my midlife crisis came to a head a few weeks ago. I had so many things planned differently this fall--teaching fourth grade. But instead I find myself here at home. Every option and plan fell through. I have struggled with finding my purpose--doing something more than the boring and mundane tasks of home. I felt chastened as I talked with my friend, Nadine at the bus stop while sending a daughter off to school. Nadine works full time while raising three very rambunctious children. While I was feeling sorry for myself to be "at home" Nadine expressed how she would give anything to be home right now raising her kids rather than going through the exhausting juggling of kids and career. I walked home feeling grateful for the opportunity to be home, but perplexed at what to do during the looming days and months ahead. I retreated to the indulgent vice of the internet. I sat on the couch. I surfed Facebook. I cleaned a few bathrooms and made a meal from time to time. I was de...

My thoughts are over the place but I must write down a glimmer of insight that I had recently as Caleb's junior high track meet. The event was the 1600 meter race. As I watched these young boys labor through the four laps I found myself cheering everyone on. There is so much emphasis on winning in our society, but as I watched i realized that out of the hundreds of competitivors, only a small number would even make it to the podium, let alone place first. With those statistics in mind, I realized that for the boys I was watching, they were giving their all for a race they would most likely, never win. So why run, I wondered? And that is when my thinking shifted. I realized that these boys were running to win against themselves. And so, with each weary boy that passed by me, I saw them winning against fatigue and doubt. Each boy became their own champion. I stood in the stand and cheered each as each participant passed by me. I realized then, that such is the way of life. It is not...

When Trevar texted me a few weeks ago that he had booked flights for us to travel to Boston, I felt my anxiety kick up a few notches. I am a homebody and absolutely hate the thought  of travel. There are so many variable when traveling to a new place. Would I be safe? Would the people be rude? Would I feel depressed if the weather was rainy? Would I stress about finding things to eat? Concerns that suck my peace away, but concerns nonetheless. These concerns consumed a big chunk of my energy. It was not until we were on the train to the airport that I found myself relaxing just a teeny, tiny bit. The flight was full and I found myself sandwiched between Trevar and a beautiful blonde, co-ed from BYU. The blonde girl was vivacious and I suspected she was probably in student government and cheerleading before college. When I asked about her plans for Boston she explained that she and a group of friends were running away for the weekend. I asked about where she was staying, "Oh, we ...

Last night I went hiking with my husband, Trevar and our youngest daughter, Julia. The horizon was a mishmash of sun and ominous clouds.  The problem was we had left the sun and were directly under black clouds as we approached the mouth of Adam's Canyon. The wind started to pick up and Julia begged to turn around but Trevar persisted.   "Look," he pointed. "See how the wind is blowing the clouds over the mountains and away from us? Things will get better soon". And so we persevered. And Trevar was right. Glorious evening light broke through the clouds and bathed the trees in gold. The world was transformed and I found myself wishing that I had a better camera to record the event.The fairy light was magical and bewitching.  Suddenly a soft rain started to fall. I gasped in wonder as we ran amidst the rain and the golden light.  They fell as a benediction upon us. Looking behind me, a rainbow appeared amidst the mountains. I marveled at ...