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Change your thoughts, change your feelings

A sweet note from first-grader, Lily. 
I found myself teaching first grade earlier this week. It was a shock to my system because I have primarily substituted for the older grades this past year.   As I worked with little class I found myself toggling between feelings of compassion and annoyance. They were so needy and emotional. One little girl refused to be consoled when her Christmas tree that she was cutting did not turn out the way she planned--after three attempts. Several children would come to me to tattle on another child hurting their feelings. By break time I was slightly frazzled. I ran down to my friend Amanda's classroom to borrow two of her little stuffed owls. It was time for an episode of "Daw TV" with this band of first graders.

Daw TV came about when I was substituting for Amanda last year. Two of her stuffed owls fell in front of the document camera on accident while we were getting ready for math. I, being funny started making them talk about how they felt about school and what they were going to do about it. The kids were hooked and eventually they were begging for "Daw TV" whenever I substitute. (My own children are mortified, but that is just too bad!)

My characters are funny, and they face real-life challenges and conflicts--stuff like being disorganized, not paying attention to friends, being bullied, and a host of other issues. My little plays on the document camera have served as catalysts for discussion across all grades. I am still surprised at how excited my students get. They are riveted by stories.

Now I employed Pinky and Oscar the owls to talk about hurt feelings. Oscar said something dumb. Pinky felt hurt. I wanted to teach my students that having your feelings hurt is really a choice you make. No one can "hurt your feelings" unless you allow it.  We talked about options that Pinky had in his thinking. He did not have to choose to be hurt or made or sad. He could choose to give Oscar the benefit of the doubt or not. Either way, Oscar was not hurting Pinky's feeling. Pinky was choosing to feel bad based on a his thoughts about Oscar.

As I talked I realized that this shift in perspective will serve these students much better because it empowers kids to be in control of their own thoughts and emotions. It takes away power from bullies. It protects students from one another and offers a way to cope. Because let's face it--kids are immature. They are born egocentric. Even the nicest and most well-behaved children will be cranky, mean and self-focused at moments This is normal behavior that they will hopefully outgrow with coaching from adults and as their brains and bodies develop. But in the meantime, our kids need coaching on how to respond to these common bad behaviors.

If there is one take away from this post--Others do not hurt your feelings. You choose your feelings through your own thoughts about the situation! Want to change your feelings? Change your thoughts!

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