Skip to main content

Change your thoughts, change your feelings

A sweet note from first-grader, Lily. 
I found myself teaching first grade earlier this week. It was a shock to my system because I have primarily substituted for the older grades this past year.   As I worked with little class I found myself toggling between feelings of compassion and annoyance. They were so needy and emotional. One little girl refused to be consoled when her Christmas tree that she was cutting did not turn out the way she planned--after three attempts. Several children would come to me to tattle on another child hurting their feelings. By break time I was slightly frazzled. I ran down to my friend Amanda's classroom to borrow two of her little stuffed owls. It was time for an episode of "Daw TV" with this band of first graders.

Daw TV came about when I was substituting for Amanda last year. Two of her stuffed owls fell in front of the document camera on accident while we were getting ready for math. I, being funny started making them talk about how they felt about school and what they were going to do about it. The kids were hooked and eventually they were begging for "Daw TV" whenever I substitute. (My own children are mortified, but that is just too bad!)

My characters are funny, and they face real-life challenges and conflicts--stuff like being disorganized, not paying attention to friends, being bullied, and a host of other issues. My little plays on the document camera have served as catalysts for discussion across all grades. I am still surprised at how excited my students get. They are riveted by stories.

Now I employed Pinky and Oscar the owls to talk about hurt feelings. Oscar said something dumb. Pinky felt hurt. I wanted to teach my students that having your feelings hurt is really a choice you make. No one can "hurt your feelings" unless you allow it.  We talked about options that Pinky had in his thinking. He did not have to choose to be hurt or made or sad. He could choose to give Oscar the benefit of the doubt or not. Either way, Oscar was not hurting Pinky's feeling. Pinky was choosing to feel bad based on a his thoughts about Oscar.

As I talked I realized that this shift in perspective will serve these students much better because it empowers kids to be in control of their own thoughts and emotions. It takes away power from bullies. It protects students from one another and offers a way to cope. Because let's face it--kids are immature. They are born egocentric. Even the nicest and most well-behaved children will be cranky, mean and self-focused at moments This is normal behavior that they will hopefully outgrow with coaching from adults and as their brains and bodies develop. But in the meantime, our kids need coaching on how to respond to these common bad behaviors.

If there is one take away from this post--Others do not hurt your feelings. You choose your feelings through your own thoughts about the situation! Want to change your feelings? Change your thoughts!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Race

My thoughts are over the place but I must write down a glimmer of insight that I had recently as Caleb's junior high track meet. The event was the 1600 meter race. As I watched these young boys labor through the four laps I found myself cheering everyone on. There is so much emphasis on winning in our society, but as I watched i realized that out of the hundreds of competitivors, only a small number would even make it to the podium, let alone place first. With those statistics in mind, I realized that for the boys I was watching, they were giving their all for a race they would most likely, never win. So why run, I wondered? And that is when my thinking shifted. I realized that these boys were running to win against themselves. And so, with each weary boy that passed by me, I saw them winning against fatigue and doubt. Each boy became their own champion. I stood in the stand and cheered each as each participant passed by me. I realized then, that such is the way of life. It is not...

The Best Advice I Could Ever Give

A daughter called the other day feeling frustrated and frazzled. The little grandkids were at it again--destroying any possible dings of clean and order my dear daughter had worked on that Saturday morning. As my daughter expressed her frustrations, I immediately jumped into "solving" mode. Perhaps she could install child locks on a few doors, place excess toys out of prying little hands and keep important things out of harm's way. I started to offer suggestions, and then stopped myself.  Instead, I listened and expressed sympathy. I told my daughter I understood her feelings--I had been a mom to toddlers once upon a time. I told her I could give her a lot of advice--which she may or may not use. Instead, I told her the best counsel I could give would be to study the situation out in her mind, turn the matter over to Heavenly Father and listen.  I shared my experience of being at the end of my rope back in the day, praying, and pleading for help. My home was in a state of...

Screaming How We Feel

Meta communication--the idea that we are communicating volumes through our facial expressions and body language, and voice tone. It is thought by some psychologists that this form of communication is acatually louder and more persuasive taht actual words. The other day, I sat down to watch TV--a rare occurance. I sat and watched a drama. I could watch for very long because the acting was absolutely HORRIBLE! The actors were saying all the right words and trying their best to convey the seriousness and gravity of the situation, thought  their character would respond, but there was a lag and delay in how their body reacted. I could tell that they were not feeling  the depth of the situation, but were merely moving to their next line. The distortion was very subtle, and if you were caught up in the show, you would probably not notice it, because you would be filling in the emotional gaps that the actors had left.  It was maddening to me. I could not stand it and had to t...